Promoting Word Study
I used to day dream a lot. I used to rehearse different scenarios in my head and review my response. Day dreaming helped me feel prepared for everyday situations that I was sure I would encounter. My day dreams were about saying the right thing at the right time,you know being prepared.
I always wanted to say something that would make a memorable impression on the listener. I wanted something clever or profound. I would go over the statement or questions in my head. I would repeat them over and over and over again. It was intense. It was stressful but it worked. I went over it so often that I could repeat the thought verbatim when it was time to release it.
I was perceived as clever, quick-witted and smart. In my daydream, I would select people to hold a conversation with. Sometimes I was talking to a family member or a friend. Sometimes it was a mentor or a peer. Many times during the conversation, I would defend my position or congratulated someone. I would be giving advice or lending a hand.
In reality what I was really doing is spending time mediating on things that worried me. I thought I was protecting myself but I was really punishing myself. As a result of all that mental stress, my social anxiety rate was higher on those particular issues. I’d have panic attacks and crying fits. I would be nervous. Daydreaming for preparation, made me feel isolated like there was a script and I was in the spotlight.
This was it…go time. Don’t veer from the script. You need to prove that you are somebody. I was afraid to be spontaneous. My daydream scripts got me into trouble because my responses were premeditated and unfeeling at times. They didn’t adjust with the flow of the situation. I wasn’t worried about sparing anyone’s feelings. I was concerned about getting my script right. I needed to look good. I had to prove myself. Why? I wanted to be accepted.