Promoting Word Study
I have lived like this my whole life. When I was young I use to bump into walls and I was very clumsy. I had migraines and gastric intestinal problems.I wasn’t allowed to use kitchen knives or tools. It made me feel less then. So as a result I adopted an obsessive compulsive personality. I would punish myself on a regular basis. I would ground myself or hit myself. I became very ritualistic in order to cope with the learning disability. I had a schedule for everything and everyone…I had a hard time dealing with everyday life. I am still strict on rules and discipline with myself and others.
So believing in God, I was very committed to the Ten Commandments. Control was my life. I didn’t understand that the Ten Commandments are referred to as “the ministry of death” in 2 Corinthians 3:7-10. I didn’t realize that control was stealing my life, my joy and my Shalom. I thought that I was doing everything right and that I was pleasing God. I didn’t know that the bible says in Proverbs 4:7, it says “in all your getting get understanding”.
I used to suffer alone from self-condemnation. I didn’t even realize that I was condemning myself. I was intensifying the situation by holding myself to this impossible standard of perfection. For example, one day my spouse was looking at some old pictures of me. I noticed that my hair was longer then. So he said “your hair was longer then”. But I heard you are not as great as you were back then because your hair is in a different style. Now before Jesus that would lead me to become obsessed with growing my hair, which would lead me to over process my hair and damage it leading to cutting it shorter. Allowing the very thing I didn’t want to happen to happen.